HELLO, WORLD!!!  Audrey here!  And I've decided to start a blog!  I've been kicking around the idea for a while... and then a woman I met last week at a conference for work suggested it, and then my cousin suggested it to me again this morning.  Okay!  Fine!  I'm doing it!  I'm starting a blog!  I've always kinda wanted to do this, but never thought I really had anything to say.  But I DO have things to say now.  And my first entry really needs to be this one.  This really LONG one!  :-)  Below is the LONG email I sent last night to my family and friends... completely baring my soul.  It shares my experience about the most incredible week of my life (last week), and even more fully explains WHY I'm starting this blog.  ENJOY!

And if you're new to Zaadz, then check it out, and consider JOINING this community of incredible people!  (And of course, tell 'em Rainbow Bright sent you!)  ;-)

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Dear Family and Friends,

I have to talk to you!  I wish I had enough time to call each and every one of you and tell you about this live, rather than sending out a big email.  I want you to hear the passion and excitement and glee in my voice.  This is BIG news...

Guys, I had the best week of my entire life this week.  Literally.  The BEST week of my entire LIFE.  I changed the world for the better this week.  Truly.  And I want to tell you about it because each and every one of you helped me do it - even though you didn't even know it was happening.

Last Sunday morning, my awesome Boss and I drove from San Jose, CA to Monterey, where our big-time international energy efficiency conference was being held this week.  I dropped him off at the local golf course to play with some colleagues, and I went into town and got to have brunch at an adorable spot in Monterey with my second cousin, Meg, and her husband, Rick, who I've only had the privilege of meeting once before.  What a wonderful time!  They are such caring, interesting people.  Meg gave me a free ticket to go to the Monterey Aquarium, where she's volunteered for the last 10 years...  I went and spent a few incredible hours at the Aquarium - just walking around, seeing fish and sting rays and otters (SO cute!) and kelp and sharks and octopi and starfish and crabs and coral and jellyfish...  There is a whole other world in our oceans...

Next, I picked up my boss and attended the mixer (with alcohol freely flowing!) at the conference Sunday late afternoon... then had a fantastic dinner Sunday night with colleagues and clients.  Yum!  I was feeling so immensely lucky to be there - at the conference, in Monterey, with incredible people...  Then we attended the Plenary Session Sunday night...  It talked about global warming.  It talked about pollution, and resource depletion, and political instability, and ecosystem destruction, and where we're headed...  I looked around the crowded room and didn't see a whole lot of young people...  Lots of gray hair and bald heads...  The information was really scary.  Really important.  Really moving.  And it was presented by a brilliant young Asian woman who was not supposed to present it - she had to step in for her boss at the last minute... and she did an INCREDIBLE job.  The whole room erupted into applause.  Questions and answers mostly dealt with energy efficiency, the role it can play, the difference it can make, the lessons learned elsewhere, etc., etc.  My wheels were turning.

Monday, the sessions started.  Wow!  To a person who loves to learn, a conference is a REALLY fun place to be!  I was not only learning new information about programs and technologies and policies... I was also meeting new people.  There were 800 people at the conference - from all over the world - talking about energy efficiency.  Presenting their papers, discussing their findings.  This is THE premier conference... and it only occurs every other year.  Did I mention how lucky I felt to be attending?  Wow, if I was working for a big company, I'd never get the chance to be there.  I talked with my boss and other senior co-worker who were attending the meeting with me, and we all really did notice how few young people there were...  Wheels still turning.

And then an idea came to me Monday afternoon before I went for a run along the beach.  And it wouldn't leave.  It was a big idea...  See, at this conference, people could schedule Informal Sessions for Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday afternoons - after the planned morning sessions ended.  All you had to do was sign up on a big bulletin board at least a day before, and the conference folks would assign it a room and publicize it in the morning handout to all conference attendees. 

Well, my idea was that I wanted to create an Informal Session ONLY for people under 40 years old.  I felt like, you know what?, we're looking at this conference with a different set of eyes than the older folks are.  We're looking at the future and we're terrified of the direction in which we seem to be headed as a planet.  They're looking at the things they've already done and talking excitedly at the good stuff they've helped to bring about.  And that's great - they have done some great stuff!  Seriously.  They REALLY have, and I'm so glad we had a conference to hear all about it.  But US - the young folks - who HAVE to do some REALLY BIG things in OUR lives in order to bring about the changes that really will improve the world... well, that's a different perspective.  And I wanted to bring us young folk together and talk about what we're actually facing.

Monday night, I ran the idea past my boss and co-worker.  In separate conversations, they each had the same reaction: YES!  Do it!  Absolutely!  That's what's needed!  That's why you're here!  Wow.  They're incredible.  I can't express how awesome it is to work with people who respect me and believe in me and want me to grow and succeed.

Tuesday morning, I bit the bullet and signed up on the bulletin board.  I was terrified.  I'm just a kid here.  I don't know everything about energy efficiency.  There are truly BRILLIANT people at this conference.  People who are presenting sessions have written all sorts of papers... who am I?  I've never written a paper.  What if nobody comes?  What if people laugh at me?  ...And then I got really clear about the fact that I was experiencing being CALLED to do it.  From deep inside.  My heart was pounding, my stomach was in knots, and I just kept hearing YES, DO IT from deep inside me.  Part of me was angry - it would've been easier just to sit it out!  But I did sign up... after about 15 minutes of plutzing around in front of the bulletin board arguing with myself.  I signed up for an Informal Session on Thursday afternoon - the last afternoon of the conference.  Phew!  It felt great!

The next couple days, I kept meeting incredible people.  I networked without even trying to.  I chit-chatted with clients and potential clients, ate incredible food, laughed with my colleagues, drank by the bonfires, and really connected with some amazing people.  I felt so ALIVE.  And I was excited (and terrified) about my session.  I was feeling SO grateful to be working with my boss, my co-worker, my other co-workers who were not at the conference... for a company I'M helping build, that I helped CREATE, and doing work that I LOVE and BELIEVE IN.  Wow!  How many people can say that?!  So I told people about my session... they all seemed super interested, but I really didn't get my hopes up...

Thursday rolled around.  I put together a brief presentation that I wanted to be followed by a discussion.  I was terrified all morning.  I was SO nervous.  But yet I was so excited, too.  It became more and more "real" that I would soon find myself at the front of a room, with my PEERS, talking about stuff that NOBODY talks about: What inspires us?  Why are we doing what we're doing?  Can we actually make a difference?  Things look really bleak.  Are we naïve and idealistic and crazy to try to improve the world?  How are we going to do it?  Scary...

I got to the session location early.  They had scheduled it in a room WAY out at the fringe of the campus of buildings, in a small room that was hard to find, and that only had ten chairs.  Hm.  Not even a projector.  And oh crap, the SUN had come out, too.  We hadn't seen the sun in two and a half DAYS.  I got there early and sat in the room all by myself.  I thought nobody would show up.  It was so glorious outside - and Informal Sessions so far throughout the conference had been largely disregarded... people often went running or biking out and about playing.

And then, they trickled in.  One by one.  One by one.  And one by one.  I was hoping six or seven folks would attend.  And I thought that even if they DID attend, it would only be a couple of my newfound friends offering support.  Oh, but no.  I was wrong.  Folks, THIRTY people came to my session.  And I only knew about half of them.  They came by themselves.  Because they wanted to.

And I did - - I talked about the things that people don't usually talk about.  I let everyone know I was really nervous.  I shared my soul with them - some of whom work for competing firms.  I said I wasn't going to talk about energy efficiency at all in this session.  I said I wanted to say some things, create some discussion, and then just let everyone talk.  I started by talking about my dream...  Yeah, you read that right.  I actually told everyone what my DREAM is.  People don't usually talk about that stuff... even close friends and family.  My dream is to improve the world.  And I want to do it in as big a way as I possibly can.  There.  Now you know it, too.  I am naked before you.  That's what I want to do!  I asked if anyone shared my dream.  I had people's full attention.  They were nodding.  They heard me.  And that gave me the strength to keep talking...

I asked for people to list some of the challenges we face as we look to the future.  People spoke up: global warming, pollution, environmental destruction, resource wars, political issues, hunger, poverty, bird flu, over population, religious fanatics, cancer, weapons of mass destruction, terrorism, etc.  Wow.  We were all pretty overwhelmed.  There's a lot out there that is SCARY and seems to be coming our way...

Then I asked what's worth fighting for.  Why are we doing what we're doing, in the industry we're in?  Why don't we just give up?  What is there to gain?  Again, people spoke up: We're working for our children's future, for our planet, for the health of our ecosystem, for our future, and for LIFE in general.  And we all sat there and agreed that yes, those things ARE worth our efforts - absolutely worth being seen as naïve or idealistic or crazy.  We want to do everything we can to actually MAKE big improvements.

We talked about how it's going to take thinking outside "the box" - and destroying "the box" in a lot of cases.  It's going to take people who are passionate about what they're doing - who don't just regard their work as a job.  Who CARE so much.  Who are SMART.  Who are PASSIONATE.  People who are willing to email all their friends and family a looong email on a Saturday afternoon as they sit in a hotel in San Francisco (despite it being a gorgeous sunny day)... People who want to inspire the people in their lives to get up and take action and make a difference.

We shared our concern and fear about how WE have to be the ones to not just make a difference, but to make a GIGANTIC difference.  And NOW.  WE are the future.  WE must be the leaders.  We HAVE to find ways to get over our fears, to get past all the walls we build up in ourselves that hold us back.

I suggested creating a Yahoo! Group.  Everyone lit up.  YES!  One woman said she feels inspired when she hears about what others are doing.  We all agreed that we felt a sense of reinvigoration and inspiration - just from being in the same room with each other.

And then, once the hour designated for the session was over, and people had been leaning against the walls and sitting on the floor in this tiny room, I told them it was technically time to end the session.  And nobody moved.  They just looked at me like "So?"  There were other Informal Sessions starting.  Nobody moved.  Our discussion continued for another half an hour.  Impassioned discussion.  People connecting and being OPEN with each other.  We saw ourselves in each other.  This was really big.  We agreed we needed to get more people into our industry who are bright, who care, who can bring what is needed to the world.  We got excited about the idea of keeping in touch and effecting change together.

When we finally adjourned the session, one woman came up to me and said, "Thank you for being vulnerable.  That's missing in this industry."  I instantly got tears in my eyes.  It was like I didn't even realize until she said that - just how vulnerable I had really felt.  I had put myself completely out there - talking about things people DON'T talk about in the business world.  Fearing that it could reflect badly on ME, on my COMPANY, on my CLIENTS, on my WORK, on the CONFERENCE...  And I put myself out there anyway.

After getting sincere thank-yous and hugs from several other people there, I walked over to the main registration building.  I thought it was a coincidence, but my boss and co-worker were standing outside, so they saw me right as I walked up.  They asked how it had gone.  And I teared up again and just said "really, really well."  I told them about it, and watch tears well up in THEIR eyes because they could actually SEE that something big had just happened.  (How often does a person get to say three words and make two grown men get misty-eyed?!)  They told me they had been standing there waiting for me for 45 minutes - just waiting to hear how it had gone.  They had been so excited, and so eager, and so frustrated that THEY weren't under 40 because then they could've been IN there.  Wow.

I went back to my room and had a complete and total "happiness breakdown".  :-)  I can't really describe it, but it was really, seriously huge.  I cried and cried and cried - because I was SO happy!  I became so clear that I had just made a BIG difference.  I realized I was now going to be a part of every one of those individuals whenever they think back to this conference.  I was inspiring change.  I was making connections to incredible people - tomorrow's leaders.  That I really had just done what my DREAM IS, which is to improve the world!  Even now, I'm tearing up again.

During my "happiness breakdown", I called Michael Skye, who is my close friend and personal hero.  It's been through knowing him, and getting familiar with HIS work over the last seven months that allowed me to muster the courage to do what I did.  And I had to tell him that.  I was in tears.  Big tears!  I told him that Vision Force (his organization - http://www.visionforce.com/) had truly changed the way I live, the way I am, and my entire future - for SO much the better.  He could never know.  Before, I NEVER would've created that session.  I would've played it safe.  I would've stayed small.  I would've let other people do the talking.  I realize now, more than ever before, the difference that I really CAN make.  And it's BIG.  And I'm terrified and exhilarated at the same time.  His work helped me realize the power of a vision - how to be a visionary.  How to create something new, how to regard myself, how to interact with others, how to live true to my own values, how to inspire people...  Basically, all the stuff nobody ever talks about.  :-)  And it's improved me on a cellular level.  Every thought I think, every sight I see, every word I say, and every action I take is affected by his work - - the work he has dedicated his life to exploring and expanding and developing.  Michael, thank you again.

Phew.  So then I decided "no more crying!".  I relaxed, took a shower, and went to dinner with my boss that evening.  Throughout dinner, he couldn't stop telling me how much I had inspired him.  How proud he was of me.  How he and my co-worker were so jealous that they couldn't come to my session.  How one of our CLIENTS was completely impressed that I had pulled together that session.  How respected I am in our industry - already, at such a young age.  I had thought I had cried all I could, but alas, I was wrong.  So there I was at the nice restaurant, with my boss, in Monterey, CA, with tears running down my face.  Hello!  This is my BOSS!  He's been in this industry for YEARS!  He's been inspiring ME for the last four years!  Holy cow - I'm inspiring HIM?!

By now it had been a big day, and I should've been ready to crash.  But then came the party!  :-)  Thursday night was the "dance" to celebrate the last night of the conference.  I found myself CONSTANTLY being approached by people ALL NIGHT wanting to talk to me.  People I didn't KNOW.  And some people who had come to my session who just could not WAIT to introduce me around to their friends and co-workers.  A few told me the session was the best one of the entire conference.  One said she'd been so pumped up since the session that she just couldn't thank me enough.  I had folks come up and say "are you the one who put together the session for 20- and 30-somethings?"  Several older gentlemen said they wanted to be "mentors" for our group.  Several people were just really curious and interested as to why all the young'uns at this conference were so excited and lit up.  You know what?!  I actually got asked to SPEAK AT ANOTHER CONFERENCE.  :-)  Of course, I accepted.  And I kept wanting to pinch myself!  I was like, what the hell is going on here?  Do they not realize I'm just a kid here?  I'm just a little wacky blond girl who set up an informal session.  ...But then again, I also got to realize I'm not just a kid, and I'm not JUST a little wacky blond girl.  That's just the way I choose to see myself a lot of the time.

I stayed up practically all night long Thursday night singing songs around the bonfire on the beach with my colleagues - young and old, from all over the world.  Everyone was drinking and happy... the word "fun" doesn't quite capture it!  That was truly a celebration.  Of life.  Of where we've been.  And of where we're headed.  I woke up Friday morning wondering if everything had been a dream.  And then I realized it wasn't, and it was just about the best feeling I've ever had.  It did happen!

Geez, I have to quit typing before my fingers fall off.  If you're still reading this, thanks for your endurance!  :-)  I still need to say a few big things, though.

I really want YOU to know the reason why I'm writing to tell you all of this stuff.  I really hope you know that this is not bragging.  I'm not looking for ego stroking or for your approval.  And I really don't need any response from you at all.  That's just flat out NOT what this is about.  The reason I'm writing all of you is to INSPIRE YOU.  Even if you're older than me and it seems like I should mind my place and respect my elders and not suggest you could be having more fun in your life.  I want you to KNOW how much FUN it is to put yourself out there into the great unknown, have the drive and intention of making a difference, and then actually DOING it.  How fun it is to do work you're passionate about.  How fun it is to work with people you LOVE and RESPECT.  How exhilarating it is to share your heart with people.  This feeling is one I want EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE to experience.  And I want it to happen soon.  Because if everyone can know what this feels like, they'll be as excited and passionate and lit up as I am - and THAT'S the type of person that really makes a difference and improves the world.

YOU being in my life has helped make me who I am.  More than you can know.  I think of every one of you WAY more than I can tell you.  I am inspired by you.  You have all been there for me.  And if I have said any one word in this entire email that spoke to you... that lit you up... that inspired you... then all this typing is worth it.  YES!  I want you to be those things.  I want everyone, everywhere, to be those things.  You are incredible and I'm honored to know you.  Yes, YOU.

I'm about to go visit with a close girlfriend from college this evening who lives here in San Francisco.  I haven't seen her in four or five years...  Wow!  She is another incredible, inspiring person - strong, fun, and so confident and intelligent.  And I'm actually going to TELL her so.  ...Because it's scary to tell someone what I really think of them... how much they mean to me... how amazing they are.  And I'm starting to really see that when I do things that are scary, that make me feel vulnerable... well, let's just say that it brings back one helluva big payback!!

I love you.  I can't wait to talk to you one-on-one soon!

-Audrey

PS - The presentation from which I spoke in my session is attached, in case you'd like to get an idea of how it went...

PPS - Please feel free to forward this email far and wide if you think it can help improve the world.  That's what I want... have I mentioned that??  ;-)

PPPS - I have another really big action I'm going to be taking in a couple of weeks.  You have no idea how crazy it is... I can't wait.  And for now, it shall remain a mystery!  :-)  Wait for the next update...

Good evening, world! It's late, and I want to sleep. And I have a blog now!... so type I must! It's interesting... since starting this blog the day before yesterday, I've found myself constantly looking around as I go through my days, seeking things I can write about. What's worth saying? What's happening in my world? What might people want to hear about? What might I want to say? It's been completely unexpected - I have a new awareness about what's going on in my day-to-day experience of life. Really enjoyable! So now with so many things I want to get out of me and onto this blog, I'm a little worried that I'll never sleep! :-) And to think, I've wondered if I'd have anything to SAY if I started one of these things! How funny... that seems completely silly now - and it was a truly big fear before. I love it when I do something I fear, and then realize there was nothing there to fear except fear itself... Hm... I'm so overwhelmed at the positive response from my friends and family and colleagues and co-workers to what I've been up to recently. I keep pinching myself... Is this for real? What in the world is going on? It's truly fantastic. It's been the most gigantic validation of the work I've been pursuing on my own time. (thank you, Vision Force!) I'm finally recognizing - like really KNOWING - that creating a vision, feeling called to do something big, taking the steps necessary to achieve it in spite of immense fear, and trusting that others will really "hear" me and not judge me... really does result in some incredible things. People open up back to me. I can't tell you how many seriously "intimate" conversations I find myself having with people - about religion, health, relationships, politics, money, marriage, sex, dreams for the future, values, etc. It's the kind of stuff people aren't "supposed" to talk about - and POOF! Now I'm hearing it all. And I'm honored that people trust me that much - even upon first meeting me. That is so valuable to me. I love people. (Gosh, Audrey, what a "touchy-feely" thing to say!) I had one wonderful friend of mine tell me kindly that my presentation at the conference last week was a little "touch-feely". He meant it in a nice way, and agreed it was a good thing... and I could see he also was concerned that others may judge me in a negative way because of that. I sensed that from him, and got a little nervous... Especially concerning colleagues and co-workers - - society and professional etiquette tells us not to be "touchy-feely" in business especially. We've all heard "it's not personal, it's business" a zillion times. And I've certainly always felt like I'm supposed to keep emotions out of my work... And then I've actually suffered as I've tried to comply and remain emotion-free. You know what I think? Well, I'm going to tell you. Because this is MY BLOG! (Ha! This is so cool...) *I* think that business is a hell of a lot more personal than any of us wants to admit. Try working for a boss who treats you like crap. Try working in a job that totally sucks and that you couldn't possibly care less about. Try working with people who never listen to you. There are consequences. And those consequences are all due to the PERSONAL side of business. On the flip side, try working for a boss who respects you and wants you to grow. Try working in a job you love and couldn't possibly care MORE about. Try working with people who always listen to you what you have to say - - openly. There are consequences there, too. And those consequences are also ALL due to the PERSONAL side of business. The only time we say "it's not personal, it's business" is when we're trying to convince ourselves that's the case. Like when we're taking work away from someone else, or firing someone, or exploiting customers, or doing something else that makes us feel badly. Wow... there comes that darn word again: FEEL. Getting back to the point, I want to address this "touchy-feely" term. I had a chat with a friend who helped me realize these next thoughts, so I can't take credit for the brilliance of it - I can only broadcast it to the world wide web on my blog. Let's dissect this. In the term "touchy-feely", we have "touch" and "feel". Hm. Are those bad words? What does it mean when you give someone a gift or a card or a compliment, and they say "Aw, thank you, I'm TOUCHED." They mean you touched their heart. That means you made them FEEL something. And they usually mean it as a GOOD thing. I haven't heard anybody say they're touched and actually mean, "You bastard... you touched my heart - get the hell out of there and stop being so intimate." :-) So is FEELING emotions a bad thing? Well, unfortunately, a lot of times in our society, it seems like the answer is YES. If only we could all just walk around trying as hard as we can to NOT feel anything, then we're less likely to get hurt. At least that's what we're programmed to think. Sure. And now here's my crazy idea: I believe that when we DON'T feel anything... we DO suffer. Silent. Alone. Bored. Disinterested. Hopeless. Disconnected from people and life and what DRIVES US. Yuck. So darn it, I'm going to be touchy-feely! I want people to feel the opposite of those things, which are: Vocal and expressive and creative. Part of a larger group. Excited and passionate. Interested and engaged. Hopeful and possessing a positive vision for the future. Connected to others who see them, and accept them, and want to see them grow and explore and flourish. That's that. What do you think? Is feeling such a bad thing? Post a comment! One additional thing, on an even more personal note. A friend of a friend of mine is 28-years-old, and currently in the hospital, fighting for his life. It doesn't look good, and his family is completely, well, I don't have the words... you can try to imagine what his family must be experiencing. Wow. So young. Life is so precious, and can be lost at any moment. We've all heard this before, and it's still rare to really FEEL the truth of that statement. I keep trying to imagine what that would be like for his sister. I have one sibling - a younger brother, and I cannot even THINK what I would be going through. I couldn't possibly love him any more or be more proud of who he is, or more excited about what he's going to do in his lifetime. He's incredible, and he means more to me than I can say without getting a lump in my throat... Doh! Too late - there it is. Sigh. Life is precious. People are precious. And any one of us, anytime, anywhere could be - - POOF! - - gone. As fast and as simply as that. That truth is clearer to me right now than it has been in a while. It's an important thing for me to remember. And that family who's experiencing so much pain tonight, has served to make me recognize just how much I have to be thankful for. With immense appreciation for my life, and for those of so, so, so many incredible people I am SO thankful to know... I'm going to bed... glad to be "touchy-feely". Love to all, Audrey :-)

I wonder if anyone else read the title of today's blog and heard the *tune* of that commercial in their head?  I think it was for Huggies Pull-ups or something...  Well, anyway.  Please know that today's blog post is NOT going to be talking about potty training or diaper products (with the exception of this quick point:  disposable diapers take a very, very, very long time to biodegrade!).

So what in the WORLD is Audrey talking about today?  What's percolating in that crazy brain of hers?!  Don't even try to imagine... just let me tell you!

Today, I'm talking about my "Mommy".  She said "Wow!"  And I'm realizing that "I'm a Big Kid Now!"  Let me explain so you don't close this page right now thinking I'm completely insane...  :-)

When I sent out my heartfelt email last weekend about my incredible experience at the conference last week, I said in there that I really didn't need any responses from anybody - I just wanted to inspire the people in my life.  Well, I didn't get ANY response from the one person who gave BIRTH to me, and is usually SO outspoken about how proud she is of me: my mom.  I am so similar to her, it's pretty freaky!  We are very close, and I feel so lucky to regard my mom as my friend, confidant, mentor, teacher, and - sometimes - partner in crime!  ;-)  And when I fear that she doesn't understand me, or that she might think I've gone insane, or that she's embarrassed of me... well, it hurts.  I was concerned: why hadn't she responded?  Well, I found out on Wednesday morning when we finally had a chance to talk in person.

She said she wanted to wait to talk to me face-to-face, rather than trying to respond in an email.  She said she was SO moved and SO proud of me.  I immediately teared up... geez, so much of our energy really is tied up - on such a DEEP level - in making our parents proud, isn't it?!  (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way...)  I told her I was fearing that she thought I was nuts... or was embarrassed by me... or didn't understand how much guts it took to do what I did.  She blew me away with her next comment.

She told me that the person I've evolved into over the past several months is not someone new to her.  The way she sees it, I have stepped right back into being the SAME as I was when I was 4 to 8 years old, in so many ways:  Happy, excited, passionate, free, open, laughing, loving, busy, inspiring, creative, uninhibited, powerful, confident, and full of positive vision for the future.  She said it's as if I've been able to remove all the negative "stuff" that got piled on top of me - - that gets piled on top of ALL of us - - as we get older.  And now here she sees me, full of energy, life, vigor, enthusiasm, fire - - ready and willing to throw myself into the world and make it better!

Well, yeah... Tears were flowing.  This was really the first time I'd TRULY seen it this way.  I realized that's exactly what my experience of the last several months has been: reuniting with my "inner child".  (Now that's a term that's SO judged as completely "hippie-ish", isn't it?!  And I think at the same time, we're ALL aware that every person is just a big KID inside an older body.  Like, duh, banana brain!)  :-)

Since February, I've been becoming more and more educated in being a visionary: the immensely powerful concepts and tools and mental "technologies" that a small organization called Vision Force has created and has been working to share with the world for the last several years.  It is truly genius stuff - actually HOW to be passionate about what "calls" to me - and how to STAY that way.  HOW to create a powerful vision that deeply calls me, and keep working to create it in the face of so many fears and unknowns.  HOW to break down walls in my mind's "programming" that hold me back - that I didn't even KNOW were IN my mind in the first place!  How to inspire OTHER people.  How to communicate SO much more effectively and meaningfully with others.  And HOW to listen to my own inner guidance system and break free of always looking to OTHERS (parents, society, etc.) for how I "should" act.  That's been the biggest breakthrough for me - actually learning HOW to listen to my own heart and trust it and ACT... rather than constantly "worrying" about what all sorts of external guiding forces want me to do, or how I'll be received if I'm really myself!

Just in the past couple weeks, I really recognize that I have internalized what I've learned.  I'm noticing that I react to things differently.  I interact with people and the world - and even myself and my own thoughts - differently.  Better.  A hell of a LOT better!

I find that REALLY incredible people are just kind of "popping up" around me all the time now.  I strike up conversations with interesting, intelligent, caring, kind, wonderful people... and they tell me things that are usually "classified".  :-)  I've been told all sorts of really intimate, private details by family, friends, coworkers, colleagues, AND total strangers...  and every time, I'm so honored!  The topics of life passions, personal values, true happiness, religion, politics, what they fear, sex, relationships, money, children, jobs, what drives them...  Wow.  It's a constant, constant, constant reminder of just how much potential is out there, and just how important I believe it is for more people to learn to become visionaries.

And the "old way" of thinking would be for me to shut the hell up!  To NOT share what I've learned.  NOT tell anybody else to go out and learn it as well.  Keep it a big beautiful secret that I only share with a few peope.  Use it to my own advantage only - to make my ego feel special.  Acquire lots of money, lots of fame, lots of success and praise and travel and excitement.  Not trust others to use this information and power wisely.

Well, loudly and clearly, I say NO!  That's a load of crap.  The "old way" is clearly NOT working, and I'm going to ignore it and listen to what my heart is telling me.  You know what?  My passion is improving the world - as much as I possibly can.  And I believe that if more people experience what I have experienced, and see what I see, and understand what I understand, and speak words from the heart the way I speak, and feel what I feel, and connect with others like I'm now able to connect with them, and think like I think, and act like I'm really consistently starting to act... this world would be GREATLY improved.  Like WAY beyond what we even think is possible.  There ARE a LOT of brilliant, passionate, caring, healthy people in this world who DO want to improve the world for our future and our children's future.  I was completely surrounded by those types of people last week at my conference, for example!  Drowning in incredible people!  It was positively overwhelming - in such an awesome way!

I see that the world could absolutely morph - and fast! - if even a moderately small number of true visionaries were released into the world to work on whatever they WANT to work on improving: the environment, the education system, human health, politics, human rights, etc.... all of those areas (and many more!) could use some BIG improvement by folks who really care and who KNOW how to effect change...  Really, effecting BIG change IS possible.  I see it and I know it.

Why am I so long-winded?  Sigh.  It's this damn passion for improving the world again...  :-)

One last thing: I've been searching for the knowledge for HOW to effect change, improve the world, feel passion, be a strong leader, do some big and important things... since I was a kid.  I remembered the other day that three years ago, I researched grad school programs in Sociology - because what really interests me is HOW to EFFECT CHANGE to improve the world.  (Audrey, you're being redundant... redundantly!)  Okay, so in speaking with a Sociologist, I was informed that Sociology was NOT the field for me.  This particular woman said sociologists "just test hypotheses and theories about how and why things are how they are", and that what it sounded like I wanted to be was an "activist".  I was bummed.  The word "activist" didn't have a very positive or exciting ring to it...  What I realize now is that what I was actually searching for was how to be a Visionary.  It's taken me seven months, while working full time and maintaining a healthy social life, to really BECOME one.  I'm still learning, of course.  Every day, and even every hour.

My vision for the future is that in several months, other folks will have read what I've written here and elsewhere, will have looked into HOW to be a visionary, and will be discovering this stuff for themselves.  And then, all this typing, lack of sleeping, and fear of sounding a little wacky on the whole big world wide web... will all be so worth it.

In the meantime, I'm gonna go keep enjoying being a Big KID!  Whee!  Nighty-night!  Don't let the bedbugs bite!  Kissy, kissy!  Mwah!!!
-Audrey  :-)

Greetings again!

Audrey here... with even more thoughts!  Tonight, I want to talk about steppin' out.  Something has really deeply sunken in recently - - I've become truly and profoundly aware of how difficult it is for people to Step Out... of their "norm", of their "comfort zone", of their "image"......

Stepping out of those things is positively terrifying for people - - myself included!  In case you don't see what I'm saying, let me give some examples.  Envision for a moment what it must be like to step out of a strong, well-established norm...  Like deciding you don't think you want to get married - ever.  Holy GEEZ - the PRESSURE that a decision like that would bring on!  From every direction, too.  From society, parents, friends, distant relatives, friendly old ladies, churches, total strangers...  Ick!  Cultural norms are scary when you step out of one into the unknown.

Now envision stepping out of a really well-established comfort zone...  Like deciding to move to a completely new city and getting a completely new job, leaving all your old ways of doing things completely behind.  Holy MOLY - the PRESSURE.  If you've done it, you know how hard that is...  And really, it's SO hard that a lot of people just never move!  They decide to just stay unhappy and comfortable... rather than step out, find new ways of doing things, and be really UNcomfortable for a while.

And then envision stepping out of your image - the one you've worked to create and maintain your whole life.  To put your reputation completely on the line...  Like being a beautiful woman and deciding to shave your head!  Holy COW - that's some serious PRESSURE!  People will think you've completely lost your mind!  I mean, like, totally, don't you CARE about your HAIR?!  :-)  Stepping out of an old image and into a new one that's more desirable to you, but not "accepted" by everybody else is really hard.

Isn't it interesting how SO many intelligent, creative, good-hearted, talented, awesome people choose NOT to step out - even though deep down they WANT to step out?  They choose to not do it... Over, and over, and over.  And they suffer through it all.  The fear that they'll be judged.  The fear that they'll look stupid.  The fear that people won't respect them.  The fear that friends - and even family - will turn their backs.  The fear of the unknown....  Wow.

These fears are completely debilitating for so many people.  I bet you know some of them... and I bet you ARE like this in some ways.  We ALL live in fear of being judged as crazy, different, stupid, weird, or wrong - especially by those we love most.  Real positive change will have to come from individuals who truly see that the discomfort is worth it.  The risk is worth it.  The judgments others may make of you are worth it.  For to do nothing and stay comfortable does not make a more positive future come into existence.  Taking action to bring about a more positive world requires courage and resolve and vision... always brings invaluable lessons... and is the only way we're going to create the positive future we must.

I'm gonna keep steppin' out.  Who's with me?

Attention, World Wide Web!

Audrey has a BIG announcement she's going to make tomorrow night - - right HERE on her blog.  [Begin wondering what in the world she could possibly be up to!  Really, you have NO idea...]  At this moment, she is extremely tired from an already long and very fast-paced week of work, and is going to bed early.  Ahhh....

Tune in here tomorrow night for all the news and excitement.  You really won't want to miss this!

Good night,
RainbowBright  :-)