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big kid
February 2007 
Mommy, Wow! I'm a Big Kid Now!
Posted on Aug 24th, 2006
by 
RainbowBright
RainbowBright
I wonder if anyone else read the title of today's blog and heard the *tune* of that commercial in their head? I think it was for Huggies Pull-ups or something... Well, anyway. Please know that today's blog post is NOT going to be talking about potty training or diaper products (with the exception of this quick point: disposable diapers take a very, very, very long time to biodegrade!).
So what in the WORLD is Audrey talking about today? What's percolating in that crazy brain of hers?! Don't even try to imagine... just let me tell you!
Today, I'm talking about my "Mommy". She said "Wow!" And I'm realizing that "I'm a Big Kid Now!" Let me explain so you don't close this page right now thinking I'm completely insane... :-)
When I sent out my heartfelt email last weekend about my incredible experience at the conference last week, I said in there that I really didn't need any responses from anybody - I just wanted to inspire the people in my life. Well, I didn't get ANY response from the one person who gave BIRTH to me, and is usually SO outspoken about how proud she is of me: my mom. I am so similar to her, it's pretty freaky! We are very close, and I feel so lucky to regard my mom as my friend, confidant, mentor, teacher, and - sometimes - partner in crime! ;-) And when I fear that she doesn't understand me, or that she might think I've gone insane, or that she's embarrassed of me... well, it hurts. I was concerned: why hadn't she responded? Well, I found out on Wednesday morning when we finally had a chance to talk in person.
She said she wanted to wait to talk to me face-to-face, rather than trying to respond in an email. She said she was SO moved and SO proud of me. I immediately teared up... geez, so much of our energy really is tied up - on such a DEEP level - in making our parents proud, isn't it?! (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way...) I told her I was fearing that she thought I was nuts... or was embarrassed by me... or didn't understand how much guts it took to do what I did. She blew me away with her next comment.
She told me that the person I've evolved into over the past several months is not someone new to her. The way she sees it, I have stepped right back into being the SAME as I was when I was 4 to 8 years old, in so many ways: Happy, excited, passionate, free, open, laughing, loving, busy, inspiring, creative, uninhibited, powerful, confident, and full of positive vision for the future. She said it's as if I've been able to remove all the negative "stuff" that got piled on top of me - - that gets piled on top of ALL of us - - as we get older. And now here she sees me, full of energy, life, vigor, enthusiasm, fire - - ready and willing to throw myself into the world and make it better!
Well, yeah... Tears were flowing. This was really the first time I'd TRULY seen it this way. I realized that's exactly what my experience of the last several months has been: reuniting with my "inner child". (Now that's a term that's SO judged as completely "hippie-ish", isn't it?! And I think at the same time, we're ALL aware that every person is just a big KID inside an older body. Like, duh, banana brain!) :-)
Since February, I've been becoming more and more educated in being a visionary: the immensely powerful concepts and tools and mental "technologies" that a small organization called Vision Force has created and has been working to share with the world for the last several years. It is truly genius stuff - actually HOW to be passionate about what "calls" to me - and how to STAY that way. HOW to create a powerful vision that deeply calls me, and keep working to create it in the face of so many fears and unknowns. HOW to break down walls in my mind's "programming" that hold me back - that I didn't even KNOW were IN my mind in the first place! How to inspire OTHER people. How to communicate SO much more effectively and meaningfully with others. And HOW to listen to my own inner guidance system and break free of always looking to OTHERS (parents, society, etc.) for how I "should" act. That's been the biggest breakthrough for me - actually learning HOW to listen to my own heart and trust it and ACT... rather than constantly "worrying" about what all sorts of external guiding forces want me to do, or how I'll be received if I'm really myself!
Just in the past couple weeks, I really recognize that I have internalized what I've learned. I'm noticing that I react to things differently. I interact with people and the world - and even myself and my own thoughts - differently. Better. A hell of a LOT better!
I find that REALLY incredible people are just kind of "popping up" around me all the time now. I strike up conversations with interesting, intelligent, caring, kind, wonderful people... and they tell me things that are usually "classified". :-) I've been told all sorts of really intimate, private details by family, friends, coworkers, colleagues, AND total strangers... and every time, I'm so honored! The topics of life passions, personal values, true happiness, religion, politics, what they fear, sex, relationships, money, children, jobs, what drives them... Wow. It's a constant, constant, constant reminder of just how much potential is out there, and just how important I believe it is for more people to learn to become visionaries.
And the "old way" of thinking would be for me to shut the hell up! To NOT share what I've learned. NOT tell anybody else to go out and learn it as well. Keep it a big beautiful secret that I only share with a few peope. Use it to my own advantage only - to make my ego feel special. Acquire lots of money, lots of fame, lots of success and praise and travel and excitement. Not trust others to use this information and power wisely.
Well, loudly and clearly, I say NO! That's a load of crap. The "old way" is clearly NOT working, and I'm going to ignore it and listen to what my heart is telling me. You know what? My passion is improving the world - as much as I possibly can. And I believe that if more people experience what I have experienced, and see what I see, and understand what I understand, and speak words from the heart the way I speak, and feel what I feel, and connect with others like I'm now able to connect with them, and think like I think, and act like I'm really consistently starting to act... this world would be GREATLY improved. Like WAY beyond what we even think is possible. There ARE a LOT of brilliant, passionate, caring, healthy people in this world who DO want to improve the world for our future and our children's future. I was completely surrounded by those types of people last week at my conference, for example! Drowning in incredible people! It was positively overwhelming - in such an awesome way!
I see that the world could absolutely morph - and fast! - if even a moderately small number of true visionaries were released into the world to work on whatever they WANT to work on improving: the environment, the education system, human health, politics, human rights, etc.... all of those areas (and many more!) could use some BIG improvement by folks who really care and who KNOW how to effect change... Really, effecting BIG change IS possible. I see it and I know it.
Why am I so long-winded? Sigh. It's this damn passion for improving the world again... :-)
One last thing: I've been searching for the knowledge for HOW to effect change, improve the world, feel passion, be a strong leader, do some big and important things... since I was a kid. I remembered the other day that three years ago, I researched grad school programs in Sociology - because what really interests me is HOW to EFFECT CHANGE to improve the world. (Audrey, you're being redundant... redundantly!) Okay, so in speaking with a Sociologist, I was informed that Sociology was NOT the field for me. This particular woman said sociologists "just test hypotheses and theories about how and why things are how they are", and that what it sounded like I wanted to be was an "activist". I was bummed. The word "activist" didn't have a very positive or exciting ring to it... What I realize now is that what I was actually searching for was how to be a Visionary. It's taken me seven months, while working full time and maintaining a healthy social life, to really BECOME one. I'm still learning, of course. Every day, and even every hour.
My vision for the future is that in several months, other folks will have read what I've written here and elsewhere, will have looked into HOW to be a visionary, and will be discovering this stuff for themselves. And then, all this typing, lack of sleeping, and fear of sounding a little wacky on the whole big world wide web... will all be so worth it.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go keep enjoying being a Big KID! Whee! Nighty-night! Don't let the bedbugs bite! Kissy, kissy! Mwah!!!
-Audrey :-)
So what in the WORLD is Audrey talking about today? What's percolating in that crazy brain of hers?! Don't even try to imagine... just let me tell you!
Today, I'm talking about my "Mommy". She said "Wow!" And I'm realizing that "I'm a Big Kid Now!" Let me explain so you don't close this page right now thinking I'm completely insane... :-)
When I sent out my heartfelt email last weekend about my incredible experience at the conference last week, I said in there that I really didn't need any responses from anybody - I just wanted to inspire the people in my life. Well, I didn't get ANY response from the one person who gave BIRTH to me, and is usually SO outspoken about how proud she is of me: my mom. I am so similar to her, it's pretty freaky! We are very close, and I feel so lucky to regard my mom as my friend, confidant, mentor, teacher, and - sometimes - partner in crime! ;-) And when I fear that she doesn't understand me, or that she might think I've gone insane, or that she's embarrassed of me... well, it hurts. I was concerned: why hadn't she responded? Well, I found out on Wednesday morning when we finally had a chance to talk in person.
She said she wanted to wait to talk to me face-to-face, rather than trying to respond in an email. She said she was SO moved and SO proud of me. I immediately teared up... geez, so much of our energy really is tied up - on such a DEEP level - in making our parents proud, isn't it?! (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way...) I told her I was fearing that she thought I was nuts... or was embarrassed by me... or didn't understand how much guts it took to do what I did. She blew me away with her next comment.
She told me that the person I've evolved into over the past several months is not someone new to her. The way she sees it, I have stepped right back into being the SAME as I was when I was 4 to 8 years old, in so many ways: Happy, excited, passionate, free, open, laughing, loving, busy, inspiring, creative, uninhibited, powerful, confident, and full of positive vision for the future. She said it's as if I've been able to remove all the negative "stuff" that got piled on top of me - - that gets piled on top of ALL of us - - as we get older. And now here she sees me, full of energy, life, vigor, enthusiasm, fire - - ready and willing to throw myself into the world and make it better!
Well, yeah... Tears were flowing. This was really the first time I'd TRULY seen it this way. I realized that's exactly what my experience of the last several months has been: reuniting with my "inner child". (Now that's a term that's SO judged as completely "hippie-ish", isn't it?! And I think at the same time, we're ALL aware that every person is just a big KID inside an older body. Like, duh, banana brain!) :-)
Since February, I've been becoming more and more educated in being a visionary: the immensely powerful concepts and tools and mental "technologies" that a small organization called Vision Force has created and has been working to share with the world for the last several years. It is truly genius stuff - actually HOW to be passionate about what "calls" to me - and how to STAY that way. HOW to create a powerful vision that deeply calls me, and keep working to create it in the face of so many fears and unknowns. HOW to break down walls in my mind's "programming" that hold me back - that I didn't even KNOW were IN my mind in the first place! How to inspire OTHER people. How to communicate SO much more effectively and meaningfully with others. And HOW to listen to my own inner guidance system and break free of always looking to OTHERS (parents, society, etc.) for how I "should" act. That's been the biggest breakthrough for me - actually learning HOW to listen to my own heart and trust it and ACT... rather than constantly "worrying" about what all sorts of external guiding forces want me to do, or how I'll be received if I'm really myself!
Just in the past couple weeks, I really recognize that I have internalized what I've learned. I'm noticing that I react to things differently. I interact with people and the world - and even myself and my own thoughts - differently. Better. A hell of a LOT better!
I find that REALLY incredible people are just kind of "popping up" around me all the time now. I strike up conversations with interesting, intelligent, caring, kind, wonderful people... and they tell me things that are usually "classified". :-) I've been told all sorts of really intimate, private details by family, friends, coworkers, colleagues, AND total strangers... and every time, I'm so honored! The topics of life passions, personal values, true happiness, religion, politics, what they fear, sex, relationships, money, children, jobs, what drives them... Wow. It's a constant, constant, constant reminder of just how much potential is out there, and just how important I believe it is for more people to learn to become visionaries.
And the "old way" of thinking would be for me to shut the hell up! To NOT share what I've learned. NOT tell anybody else to go out and learn it as well. Keep it a big beautiful secret that I only share with a few peope. Use it to my own advantage only - to make my ego feel special. Acquire lots of money, lots of fame, lots of success and praise and travel and excitement. Not trust others to use this information and power wisely.
Well, loudly and clearly, I say NO! That's a load of crap. The "old way" is clearly NOT working, and I'm going to ignore it and listen to what my heart is telling me. You know what? My passion is improving the world - as much as I possibly can. And I believe that if more people experience what I have experienced, and see what I see, and understand what I understand, and speak words from the heart the way I speak, and feel what I feel, and connect with others like I'm now able to connect with them, and think like I think, and act like I'm really consistently starting to act... this world would be GREATLY improved. Like WAY beyond what we even think is possible. There ARE a LOT of brilliant, passionate, caring, healthy people in this world who DO want to improve the world for our future and our children's future. I was completely surrounded by those types of people last week at my conference, for example! Drowning in incredible people! It was positively overwhelming - in such an awesome way!
I see that the world could absolutely morph - and fast! - if even a moderately small number of true visionaries were released into the world to work on whatever they WANT to work on improving: the environment, the education system, human health, politics, human rights, etc.... all of those areas (and many more!) could use some BIG improvement by folks who really care and who KNOW how to effect change... Really, effecting BIG change IS possible. I see it and I know it.
Why am I so long-winded? Sigh. It's this damn passion for improving the world again... :-)
One last thing: I've been searching for the knowledge for HOW to effect change, improve the world, feel passion, be a strong leader, do some big and important things... since I was a kid. I remembered the other day that three years ago, I researched grad school programs in Sociology - because what really interests me is HOW to EFFECT CHANGE to improve the world. (Audrey, you're being redundant... redundantly!) Okay, so in speaking with a Sociologist, I was informed that Sociology was NOT the field for me. This particular woman said sociologists "just test hypotheses and theories about how and why things are how they are", and that what it sounded like I wanted to be was an "activist". I was bummed. The word "activist" didn't have a very positive or exciting ring to it... What I realize now is that what I was actually searching for was how to be a Visionary. It's taken me seven months, while working full time and maintaining a healthy social life, to really BECOME one. I'm still learning, of course. Every day, and even every hour.
My vision for the future is that in several months, other folks will have read what I've written here and elsewhere, will have looked into HOW to be a visionary, and will be discovering this stuff for themselves. And then, all this typing, lack of sleeping, and fear of sounding a little wacky on the whole big world wide web... will all be so worth it.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go keep enjoying being a Big KID! Whee! Nighty-night! Don't let the bedbugs bite! Kissy, kissy! Mwah!!!
-Audrey :-)
Access: PublicTagged with: Big kid, mom, visionary, Vision Force, sociology, effecting change, improving the world
haha…you are mad, girl! …..you ae mad! ; - )
much love, Rohit
Hi, Audrey. I had not read this post before and love your energy (always). I love the connection between you and your mom. She sounds like a wonderful human being.
I found your comments about sociology very interesting. The same phenomen exists in psychology as well. One would think that psychology and psychologists would be masters of the human mind and would be able to teach others how to do the same. WRONG! The entire field of psychology was devoted to taking someone who was less than “normal” (mentally) and bringing that person to a state of “normal”. A very valuable field for many people, but for those who are looking to go from “normal” to “out of this world kick ass” are not exactly going to learn much from modern psychology.
Until now!
Recently, Martin Seligman and others have been devoting tremendous amounts of energy and time into the Positive Psychology movement. Amazing stuff! Here is a brief excerpt from the Postive Psychology program at UPenn. I thought you might be interested.
1. Is positive psychology an abandoning or rejection of the rest of psychology?
In a word, no. Since World War II, psychology has focused its efforts on psychological problems and how to remedy them. These efforts have reaped large dividends. Great strides have been made in understanding and treating psychological disorders. Effective treatments now exist for more than a dozen disorders that were once seen as intractable (Barrett & Ollendick, 2004; Evans et al., 2005; Hibbs & Jensen, 1996; Kazdin & Weisz, 2003; Nathan & Gorman, 1998, 2002; Seligman, 1994).
One consequence of this focus on psychological problems, however, is that psychology has little to say about what makes life most worth living. Positive psychology proposes to correct this imbalance by focusing on strengths as well as weaknesses, on building the best things in life as well as repairing the worst. It asserts that human goodness and excellence is just as authentic as distress and disorder, that life entails more than the undoing of problems.
Psychology's concern with remedying human problems is understandable and should certainly not be abandoned. Human suffering demands scientifically informed solutions. Suffering and well being, however, are both part of the human condition, and psychologists should be concerned with both.